Because of You Read online

  Right away, she gulped down half of her orange juice and then tore away a large piece of her toast and scarfed it down quickly. Her cheeks were unusually flushed and she wasn’t her normal crabby self so I didn’t have the slightest clue.

  “Let me guess. How about one of them celebrities hanging on your walls? Like that Justin bloke you’re so madly in love with.” I guessed.

  “Haha, you’re so funny. This is serious.” Margaret said sarcastically as she took more bites of her buttered toast. She was always a crabby person in the mornings so it was unusual to see the animation in her movements and voice in the morning.

  “Who, then?” I asked. Mags always had a crazy story to tell every morning and yet she always said that I was the funny one. She didn’t realize how good she was at story telling let alone how funny she was. She had an ability to take a grim situation and turn it into a standup comedy routine.

  “Roger,” she squealed as she gripped my hand tightly. She sounded so thrilled even if I wasn’t in the least bit after hearing his name.

  “Who is he again?” I tried to remain indifferent. Hearing about him every single day was getting frustrating because I didn’t like the guy at all. I knew who Roger was but I didn’t like him because he was bad news.

  Mags wasn’t the type of girl that dated too much or was sloppy about it, but she certainly made some poor decisions in her romantic life. She was always blaming it on the guys she had crushes on or had a date with and how it was his faults that they only wanted one thing. She was partially right about that, but wasn’t entirely their fault, she was the one that had the finally say. No one ever told her she was forced to have crushes on any of them but that’s the type she kept picking.

  I wished she could see that she deserved someone so much better than the type she chose to be infatuated with every couple of months. I tried to tell her this every once in a while but I didn’t want to force the idea down her throat. I also didn’t really want her to get the impression that I was into her or anything like that. I cared about her a lot but Mags wouldn’t date someone like me and besides, my friendship with her was what was most important to me and I wasn’t going to let anything or anyone ruin that.

  “You remember Roger, don’t you? I told you about him a few days ago. He’s Corey’s cousin, you know the college guy?”

  Of course I remembered, how could I even possibly forget? A few days ago she gushed about him all not long about the day she met him for the first time and everything they had talked about when he visited her at the coffee every other day. She was so overjoyed this week, her parents asked us to keep it little quieter because she was so loud when she gushed about him.

  “Oh yeah, that’s right, he was the one that I had a bad feeling about,” I told her back. He was the kind of guy that was way too full of himself and also the type that thought they could do no wrong. Guys like him hurt the girls they dated and I knew he was going to end up hurting Mags.

  “You keep saying that but you never like anyone I’m into. You think you’re the only saint at the school.” I rolled my eyes.

  “That’s because I am.” I teased, trying to change the subject. I figured if I can get her to stop thinking about him then maybe she’d forget he ever existed. “I can’t help it if I think he sucks.”

  I didn’t have much to say about Roger or anyone she was interested in that particular month other than what I really wanted to say which was to stop trying to date or to choose me. I knew Mags was way out of my league so I tried to keep any details about my feelings for her out of my own head. I wished it was easier for me and somehow find myself into other girls but I wasn’t interested in any of them. I liked Mags and she was enough for me.

  “Anyway, enough about Roger, there wasn’t much to tell this time but I’ll update you as it progresses.”

  “Great.” I muttered but I was fortunate she didn’t hear me. She was too busy digging into her breakfast platter.

  “What about you, did you ever ask out that girl from your environmental club?” Mags asked me as the waitress refilled our glasses with orange juice.

  I wish I had a story to tell but I didn’t really have one worthy of speaking about. I made up a story about a girl named Clare I was interested in that was in my environmental club but she didn’t really exist. I was just tired of Mags trying to set me up all of the time or pressuring me to date more often. I just wasn’t interested in anyone else and I had other things that I was far more interested in.

  I couldn’t tell her that it was a lie, I had kept up this charade for a few weeks and the more she asked about it the more lies I told and I was just sinking deeper and deeper in it. So much so that I spent any evening or moment that I wasn’t with her drafting up an elaborate story to tell her that would ultimately end in things not working out with the imaginary girl.

  This wasn’t the first girl I’ve made up just to stop Mags from trying to set me up. In fact, my entire dating history was a lie. I really didn’t want to know that I’ve never had a girlfriend and I’ve never done anything worthy of telling with one either so I made up these stories so I wouldn’t feel like such a loser and I just really wanted her to stop bugging me about it.

  “It was great,” I said sarcastically as I chewed my omelet. I wanted to say it was one of the worst dates I’ve ever been on but the second that I ended this new façade I had her believing she’d start annoying me to date more and how there was plenty of fish in the seas so this time I wanted the story to go on for as long as it could.

  “It was good? Oh that’s so great to hear!” Mags said as she sipped her orange juice. I picked up mine at the same time, avoiding eye contact. “Wait a minute, you’re lying.”

  She caught me. Mags always knew when I wasn’t being completely honest with her. “I don’t want to talk about it,” I told her firmly. I took a deep breath, knowing very well she wasn’t going to stop pestering me until I told her the truth about what was really going on with me and why I made everything up.

  “Liam.” she eyed me.

  “If I tell you the truth, then you have to promise to stop bugging me about things like this.”

  “You know that won’t ever happen, so spill it.”

  “I made her up.” I confessed.

  “What? So environmental girl doesn’t really exist?”

  “Nope, she doesn’t exist. I made her up just so you could stop bugging me about finding a girlfriend. I don’t want one right now but you don’t seem to be getting the hint so I made her up so you could sod off about it but you kept asking about her so I felt forced to keep making things up.”

  “I’m sorry Liam, I just want what’s best for you.” she apologized.

  “I know you do but I’ve had enough with it. Besides, you know I’m focused on joining the Peace Corps and once I do, I’ll have no time for any of that.” I explained.

  “Okay, I’m sorry. I get it. I won’t bug you about dating anymore.” she apologized again. “What about the other girls? Were they even real?”

  “No.”

  “What? So all of those stories you told me were all made up?”

  “Yep, all made up.”

  “They were all so elaborate, there is no way you could have conceived those.” Mags gasped in shock.

  “Nope, I made them all up.”

  “Wow, you should be a writer.” she exhaled.

  “I’m not really interested in writing, you know that. Well, I’m not interested in writing things that don’t really matter in the world.” I shrugged.

  After my confession, Mags and I kept quiet while we ate the rest of our order before she had to get to summer school and I had to head back home to finish packing before my family took off to visit relatives back in my hometown.

  “You know you could be a bad boy, Liam,” Mags said suddenly as she finished the rest of her orange juice. A part of me felt like she needed to pace herself with the juice, she was starting to get too many wild ideas in her head.

  “Here we g
o again.” I rolled my eyes, hoping she didn’t go into explaining what new idea she was brewing. I wanted to just talk about something far more interesting than our love lives.

  “No, I’m serious Liam. Not all bad boys are, you know, bad. It’s not necessarily about being a jerk to women or playing a sport. There is just something to be said about a guy who oozes raw athleticism, charm and charisma. It almost always has nothing to do with how good they look physically.” she explained.

  I knew a part of her was right, but I didn’t want to believe anything she had to say. I didn’t want to start thinking about things that went against everything I believed in as a man.

  “I’ll be you that if I give you a makeover when you return at the end of the summer before school starts, your whole life will change for the better,” she joked.

  “No way, I’m not participating in any more of your wild ideas,” I said. “I don’t need a makeover.”

  “Everyone could use a makeover, even me.”

  I didn’t agree with that statement. Mags was one most amazing girls that I knew and there was nothing I would have ever changed about her.

  “Liam, you’re a great guy but you just need a new fresh coat of paint!” Mags said with wide eyes. She was right in some respects but not something I totally wanted to hear nor talk about right now.

  “Mags, just drop it,” I told her. I didn’t get annoyed often and I rarely was with her but right now I just wanted to either change the subject or cut our breakfast short and go home.

  “Come on, what do you have to lose?” she grinned manically.

  Mags was the type of girl that liked to prove a point but was also empathetic. I feared that maybe deep down she saw me as a sap that she felt sorry for.

  “Here’s the deal, I want to turn you into the ultimate bad boy, the kind that women obsess over,” Mags giggled. “If you let me do this just once, I promise I will never bug you about any woman ever again.

  “If I agree to this, you have to keep that promise and leave me alone about girls, forever.”

  “I promise.”

  “Find, you win. When I get back from summer vacation, you can do your makeover thing with me.” I agreed relunctantly.

  THREE

  MARGARET

  Three months later…

  I couldn’t wait until the first week of September because I was anxious for my senior year of high school to start but also because that was also when Liam was due back into town since he left with his family to spend their summer in the UK with relatives.

  As hard as he had tried and due to circumstances I didn’t quite understand, we didn’t speak every single day like he promised he would. I understood completely that it was his time to spend with relatives and that we would spend a lot of time together once he was back, but it didn’t change the fact that I missed him a lot. There was so much to tell him.

  I was also excited because not only did I have my best friend back, I had a job that I loved and I had spent the summer texting with Roger, the college guy I started dating. Just saying that to myself seemed so surreal but I was officially dating a college guy.

  I could have never imagined a year ago that the first guy I starting dating regularly would be a college man but apparently life didn’t have it in for me like I thought it did. Although I still didn’t quite know what it was that Roger saw in me, I wasn’t going to ruin things with my insecurities by questioning his intentions. He was interested in me and has been a perfect gentleman thus far and so I was going to trust that this was a good thing. I couldn’t wait for the day where Roger asked me to be his girlfriend and then I would be able to say my first official boyfriend was also a college guy.

  Not only that but my parents were starting to give into the idea of Liam and I either going to Europe or joining the Peace Corps for a couple of years after graduation. I know they didn’t like Roger but rather than tell me that and know that I would probably ignore them anyway, they probably figured if I went off to Europe with Liam or joined the Peace Corps that I would stop dating Roger but that wasn’t going to be the case.

  Roger was important to me and was going to be a permanent fixture in my life (I hoped) and I didn’t know how to tell them or Liam that I was having doubts about leaving the country after graduation.

  I thought everything was doing to be great on the first day of school but that’s not really what happened. When Liam didn’t contact me when he got into town and the first time I actually saw him was on the first day of school, I was pissed. When Liam came back, everything was different about him and everything started to change between us.

  When he came back on the first day of school, everything I have ever knew about him was different. I was standing at my locker grabbing only the things that I would need for my first period, Liam walked into the hallway looking different than he did when he first left.

  He no longer had his braces, he either had lasik surgery or was wearing contact lenses and he wasn’t wearing his dorky t-shirts anymore. He was wearing a short sleeved button down shirt, khaki colored chino slacks and sockless loafers without any socks. This was not like the Liam I remembered, this was a guy that totally cared about his appearance and the way he looked.

  “Hey, Mags,” Liam said startling me out of my thoughts.

  “Oh, hey Liam, how are you?” I glanced his way before continuing to pack up my backpack with the textbooks I needed. I wasn’t going to acknowledge his makeover, which by the way he was supposed to have me do for him and not do it for himself.

  “I haven’t seen you in a bit,” he teased.

  “Yeah, I know. I’ve just…been busy, you know how it is.” I explained.

  “Right, you’ve got yourself a job and everything. I heard you have a boyfriend now.”

  “Yeah, Roger’s not my boyfriend yet but I imagine he will be soon. The job and Roger keep me pretty busy.”

  “Well, if you’re not busy, do you want to see a film at the cinema after school on Friday? I’ve got my license now.”

  “Oh wow, great.” I gave a fake smile. There goes another thing that he accomplished this summer.

  It was our long-standing Friday night ritual but it hadn’t been all summer, “I heard Brooke invited you to that party at Jake’s house.” I asked.

  Brooke Miller was the co-captain of the varsity cheerleaders and she was number three on our most hated list that we came up with the first month he and I met.

  “That’s tomorrow night but I’m not going unless you wanted to go with me.”

  “I wasn’t invited.”

  “That’s why you’re coming as my guest.” Liam shut his locker door and zipped up his backpack.

  “No, thank you. Some of us still remember who’s on our shit list.”

  “Mags, she’s not so bad once you get to know her.”

  “That’s really funny coming from you seeing as she just started talking to you like this week?” I frowned before I slammed my locker shut and started heading to class.

  “Mags…” Liam sighed as he followed me. “You know that’s rubbish. It’s not like that when you get to know her.”

  “Sure, it’s not.” I walked faster.

  “Mags…come on,” he whined.

  I didn’t turn around and just kept walking, “Go to class, Liam.”

  When Liam came back, everything was different between us. Liam also said that he was keeping up the way he looked only because his grandmother spent so much money on new clothes for him and his brother, Oliver, he felt obligated to wear it because that’s what proper men wore and he didn’t want to disappoint her.

  When people started noticing Liam technically for the first time especially the girls, all it did was ruin everything we had planned. It was even at the point where the football players stopped picking on him, but I was still the object of their immature jokes. All it did was cause arguments between us.

  We’ve never argued before, but he couldn’t understand that this phase he was in made everything so much wors
e than it already was and we weren’t talking as much as we used to.

  Things didn’t improve much after that and although Liam and I made up eventually and were getting along again, things still weren’t quite the same. His popularity only increased as time went on and although he kept insisting he was still the same guy and made every effort to be there for me, he was still different. The fact that he kept trying to convince me he was still the same guy, only made it crystal clear he actually wasn’t but I guess I could forgive him for now because I’d rather have him in my life rather than not at all.

  “What are you doing later?” I asked him a few weeks later. We were walking down the street, going nowhere in particular nor did we have a plan in mind.

  “Nothing really, I was thinking about going to watch a film at the cinema. Did you want to come?” he asked.

  “Do you want to go shopping instead?” I asked with an evil grin. Liam still had a lot of gift cards left that his grandmother gave him over the summer and although I was still upset about the fact that he went and got a makeover without me, I figured I could probably get Liam back to the way he used to be if I had more of a say when it came to his clothes.

  “Are you asking me to follow you around the department store? No thanks, I don’t want to spend two hours watching you look at every single garment in the place.”

  “I didn’t mean shopping for me, I was referring to you!” I said.

  “Me? I already have new clothes.”

  “Yeah but some of them make you look pretentious. Still got those gift cards left?”

  “Yes, what are you getting at?”

  “Well the clothes you bought are nice and all but they aren’t who you are. I figured why not get expert advice from the one person who knows you the best. Me.” I grinned.

  “Mags, I don’t want another makeover. I’m fine with what I picked out. You know I only did all of this to make Nan happy and all of this was hard to figure out.”

  “That is why you are going with me. Come on, I promise you it will be fun and I’ll explain everything I know about men’s fashion to you so it doesn’t seem like such a chore when you try to figure out what to wear every day.”